the last month has consisted of days where it's a struggle for everyone in this household to survive, and other days where so much gets accomplished, i feel like superwoman! some of the challenges include: a sick baby, a changing body full of hormones, house guests filtering in and out, two business trips for cory and a dog that is acting out for attention.
i think the greatest challenge of (new) motherhood thus far is not knowing what is normal. i have no prior experience with newborns to compare levi's behavior to, and that is by far, the most difficult part for me as i transition to the role of mother. for instance, levi had a cold and it sounded so bad-his breathing was so ragged in his chest and he wouldn't eat. we took him to the pediatrician and she was just like, "here, use this bulb syringe on his nose". i felt so dumb, but at the same time, grateful it wasn't anything worse. levi has also had good and bad days with nursing and after many phone calls with lactation consultants (some helpful, some not), i think i have finally figured out that i have an oversupply of milk, which leads to forced letdown (the milk gushes out quickly and in large quantities), which leads to problems for my sweet baby. talk about stressful! doctors are not primarily concerned about a baby as long as the are having proper bowel movements, don't have a fever and are gaining weight. and levi's actions were so inconsistent (crying while feeding, tugging, shorter feedings, gasping/gulping, sucking down bottles) that it was hard to piece them altogether until i found a website that listed ALL of his symptoms and was able to change his nursing position and length. i felt like i mostly had it together, but then levi would have a bad feeding session and i would feel totally helpless. i didn't think i would have a perfect baby, but i didn't expect to deal with tricky to diagnose health problems so soon. also, many ailments can be attributed to growth spurts and heal within a few weeks. however, i have found motherhood has rendered me utterly emotionally tied to my baby's well-being, even if he experiences just a few minutes of distress.
he is healthy, and i'm so grateful that we are slowly discovering and resolving little hiccups. levi is becoming more alert and staying awake longer, which gives us the opportunity to stare into his big, dark blue eyes! his head is topped with fuzzy blondish-red hair and his chins are multiplying by the week! cory's parents call him "mr. magoo" because he really does look like a little old man :) levi is crazy strong for an 11 pound baby-he grips onto his sleeves or my shirt and i have to pry his little fingers one by one to release whatever he's holding. he does not enjoy having his clothes or diaper changed. i think his favorite thing is to be held vertically, sleeping on his tummy on someone's shoulder. levi love being carried in my solly wrap and uses that time to get his beauty sleep. cory prefers to wear him in the ergo baby carrier. i am so excited for it to warm up so we can start taking walks! his newborn clothes are getting pretty tight and i'm sad that he will be moving up to the next size...everyone says how fast babies grow up and it's the truth.
my family left sunday, january 18th, the day cory returned from his business conference in mexico. cory's parents arrived the next day and stayed until friday, january 23rd. we all spontaneously traveled to knoxville for a work trip cory had this weekend, where we parted ways. i am excited that we will see them again in march for levi's blessing. my brother also arrives in a few weeks! it's been a crazy few weeks, and i don't know that we will really settle into a routine with the rate at which babies grow. i just wanted to express the REAL feelings i've been having (no, i do not have postpartum depression) and state my wonder at all the moms in the world, once again. caring for a tiny human is a beautiful and rewarding experience, and it is also, a test of patience (yes, we went through four diapers in one change session) and work! i'm so grateful for all the love and support we've received from friends and family. my baby has SO many handmade blankets, they fill up three shelves and he has more drawer space than cory and i! i can't wait to see what the next four weeks bring and to watch little levi grow!
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